Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
