What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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