Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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