I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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