Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
