i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
