I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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