I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
