If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
