I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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