we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
