Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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