I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
