Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
