I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm both gender and math confused
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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