in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
