How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
