hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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