that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
