They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the day after is always just damage control
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
