It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
