erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
