If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize