Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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