well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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