Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
