Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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