About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
