hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
