we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You are a genius and a whore.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
