dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
