I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
