elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
