Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So much Jack, so little girl.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
