I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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