we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
