He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dick very happy bro
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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