I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Randomize
