great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
