I faked an abortion last night.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
