The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
