By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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