i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
