i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
