Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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