u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
