i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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