god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
