Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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