just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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