rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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