Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
