If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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