My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
