toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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