VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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