Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is Oprah even human
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
