girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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