I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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