Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
