Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
