He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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