oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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