I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
