mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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