So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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