haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
