Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
