I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I touched a dick in church today
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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