Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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