And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
