My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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